I want to resume writing. It has been a while. I was too busy to write about anything.


I always pursued perfectionism. Now I realize that this perfectionism is holding me back from taking any steps.

Sometimes, you make much more progress by just doing things.

How can you come up with a perfect result, on your first try? Just accept that your first 100 works are going to be shitty. Then, what is the best way to improve it? That would be getting those 100 shits out as quickly as possible.

I want to write, to think out loud. I have been stuck in my mind for so long.

I was afraid of being shown. judged. ridiculed.

The deeper I hide, the more I got feared about showing myself.

The worry that someone may think I'm childish, or that I don't live up to my age or the number of years of experience in my professional career.

But, who actually does that? Most people aren't even that interested in someone.

Even if they do, why am I so conscious of their eyes?

Live your life. It is your life. The more you hide, the more you lose.

Capture the moment. Enjoy the moment.

Life is more than what worries you right in front of you.

Don't try to do well too hard.

It will be okay.

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The 2016 spring semester ended on Friday of the last week, and I am at the end of summer intermission. Frankly a week of break is too short I feel. It could have been awesome to have one more week of break(and I promise I don't ask for more.) But still, it has been a wonderful break anyway. Oversleeping, drinking with friends, jogging and weight-lifting, and writing on blog, cycling, ... I have done a lot of activities, met many friends, rested enough to get up and run again. Well, I want more of this time, but summer semester is not too bad; I have some spare time.

I need some time to take a look back the past project. There are going to be countless jewels and golds to be discovered that are buried in the time and memory of the year. How to work with friends, how to brainstorm together, how to decide when ideas diverge, how to deliver ideas, how to deliver opinions, ... I will learn if contemplation is followed. I should make time for it. I should.

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  I think I should remain the record of yesterday's contemplation on my future. I was seriously confused about what to focus when studying. My mind said to dive into game design, my brain into game programming, and my dad into AI. My dad's advice was quite recent(after Alphago have won over Se-dol Lee), but consistent and frequent enough to confuse myself on what I should do. Fortunately, yesterday's contemplation made it clear; the area of AI is really really prominent, but if I was going to follow external rewards - or how the area is going to be bright in the future -, I would have been doing something other than programming. External rewards haven't really attracted me much since my early youth, and therefore were not considered at all when I was deciding to go to Korea Game Science High School. The only factor that made me take a step toward programming was the possibility of games as mediums and that programming was the only method to create games. I am going to move to game design in the end, because game design is actually about using games as mediums, but I am going to concentrate on game programming while studying at Digipen. Having an idea is easy and everyone can do that, but convincing it at its raw state is really hard. An idea that is actually implemented and visualized, that actually became visible and tangible, is much more convincing and persuasive. Above this, prototyping proves/disproves the validity of the idea and makes you see what's in it beyond the idea. Also, it is a *safer path for either getting a job or for beginning a start-up, which I will probably do after graduating Digipen.

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  I'm at Soul Food Cafe now. Nothing is too busy here, and that's why I like this place. People pause whatever they were doing, and hear the sound from a singer at the live stage in the main corner. I, also, can't refuse the temptation sometimes. Today, there seems to be nothing happening, but the silence is good in its own way.

  Anyway, I started writing this to figure out what I should do at this place. Yesterday, I finished a physics homework and a half of a statistics homework. Another half of statistics homework I should ask to professor on Monday class. There are two projects to finish by the end of this semester; one is for parallel programming class and the other is statistics class. Both are actually interesting projects to work on to me. For parallel programming project, I have to read a thesis that tries to solve a difficult parallel programming problem and implement it. For statistics, I also need to find a subject related to statistics and implement it into a program. I will probably work on how to utilize random walk in enhancing human-like AI. I don't know the exact technical background of random walk and Markov chain, so I'm excited to learn about them. But should I start one of them today? Today is the last day of spring break. That makes me sad. I was procrastinating a lot, slept a lot. I didn't play fully even a day, and didn't work in a fully dedicated mind even a day. I want to spend a day for me today. Not for the assignments, not for projects, but for myself. I want to look back myself. I want to ask myself "how are you doing?", today.

  Oh, we had a play in stage today?

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  It's been a long time since I haven't written any diaries on the web. In the end, I come back like this, and search for the best place to put my new words on. I have tried many different mediums for personal records from a physical notebook to Tumblr to Twitter. But none of them haven't exactly fitted to my taste so far. A physical notebook was good because I was able to write any time any where, but scribbling was too slow and made it difficult to index, compared to computer. Also, it didn't satisfy the "desire to express oneself", because all the content were saved for only myself. Tumblr had been a great replacement for notebooks by resolving those issues, but the absence of categories and the emphasis on anonymity made it inconvenient. Anonymity is a good thing, as far as you manage it well. But for me, it was a harm. I wasn't truly myself when I was typing.

  So, I started this blog. This blog will be filled with my records - my thoughts and feelings. This blog is essentially for myself, but not strictly limited to myself. I hope some people find some values from my writing.

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